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American Woman Vs Russian Woman

Why Don’t We Understand Each Other?

Mary Carter
7 min readJan 10, 2025
Photo by Stephany Lorena

I decided to finally meet my Russian friend for that coffee I’d been promising her for so long. There I was, embodying exactly what she would criticize moments later — the American who makes vague plans without real intention. The steam from our hot tea rose between us as we discussed the peculiarities of our cultures in the bustling New York café.

Never had I imagined that a simple “how are you?” could have such distinct interpretations between two peoples, revealing a cultural chasm far deeper than I had anticipated.

“You Americans are too nice,” she told me with that characteristic Russian ironic smile, the kind that speaks volumes. “It’s so artificial that sometimes I wonder if you really want to know how I am or if it’s just another empty formality in your daily social ritual.” Her directness hit me like a blast of Siberian winter air, but paradoxically refreshing in its honesty.

The truth is that we Americans (and perhaps much of the Western world) cultivate a culture of cordiality that can appear superficial to outside eyes. We build layers upon layers of courtesy: apologizing before making basic requests, saying “excuse me” even in public spaces, smiling even when the day calls for frowns, and filling our conversations with “maybe” and “possibly”…

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