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Sex Gone Wrong: Real Stories That Will Make You Laugh (and Maybe Cry)

From ER to eternal shame — stories proving everyone messes up in bed

Mary Carter
7 min readFeb 9, 2025
Photo by Victoria Strelka_ph

Two sweaty bodies, moans in the dark, the perfect moment for an epic orgasm. Suddenly, everything goes wrong. Like that reader who came so hard she passed out and almost broke her partner’s nose face-planting into the bed. Yes, it happens. And more often than we imagine. The thing is, nobody talks about these embarrassing moments that happen behind closed doors. We prefer to pretend we’re all porn stars, anatomy experts, and masters of self-control.

The reality? We’re all amateurs trying not to embarrass ourselves while contorting into humanly impossible positions. And when something goes wrong — and it will go wrong — all we can do is laugh. Or cry. Usually both.

That guy who decided to make homemade jalapeño sauce and then, without properly washing his hands, proceeded to finger his girlfriend. The result? A vagina on fire and a desperate rush to the hospital. And no, cold water doesn’t help — it only makes the burning sensation worse. The most incredible part is that he wasn’t the first and won’t be the last to make this mistake. ER doctors even have a name for it: “the spicy finger syndrome.” It’s amazing how horniness has the magical power to make our IQ drop…

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