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The Number One Rule for Healthy Relationships
Don’t Forget This
It’s fascinating and frightening to see how we’ve become experts at masking feelings with aggression, irony, or indifference.
We’re a generation of emotionally constipated adults, masters at saying “fuck off” when we really want to scream “please don’t leave me.” The irony is that the more we try to protect ourselves, the more we hurt ourselves and others.
Just yesterday, I saw a couple at the coffee shop where I write. She, visibly hurt, shot out: “Do whatever you want, I don’t care.” Real translation: “I’m desperately needing your attention.” He responded with an icy “Great, because I don’t care either.” True meaning: “I’m terrified you’ll leave me.”
Our inability to be vulnerable is creating an epidemic of loneliness disguised as emotional independence. Damn, I even catch myself in this ridiculous game! Last week, I told my partner “Don’t worry about calling me” when I was dying inside wanting to say “I miss you so much it physically hurts.”
Think about it: if we were as honest with our feelings as we are with our criticisms, how different would our relationships be?
For example, instead of “Your work is more important than me, I get it” (such drama, right?), we could say “I feel insecure when you spend so…
