What the Conclave Knows About Love, Vows, and Climate and We Don’t

Candidates Reveal Opinions on Marriage, Optional Celibacy, and Climate Action

I’ve heard some crazy shit behind those closed doors pleasure was treated like some filthy sin, a slap in the face to holiness.

But seriously, is there anything more blasphemous than fucking your brains out? I grew up carrying the guilt that a stolen kiss or skin pressed against mine was a mortal sin. Just touching felt like a crime, some invisible heresy I never bought into.

When the bigwigs start preaching “love” around same-sex marriage, they shove real couples into the closet. Total hypocrisy they yammer on about infinite love but slam the door on anyone who loves someone of the same sex.

I’ve seen folks split their lives in half: Sunday mass by day, sneaky fuck sessions by night. It’s surreal praying by morning, fucking by midnight all because someone decided two consenting adults can’t love.

And celibacy? What a load of bullshit. They call it a “sacred choice,” but it’s more like a gilded cage. I can’t help but laugh picturing a priest whispering “amen” while his dick begs for release. Freeing the vow of celibacy means giving people the right to cum guilt-free, to let their bodies orgasm in peace…